The Drive-Through

27 Jun

How often have we all gone to our family doctor for a routine physical or just a quick inspection & thump on the chest so we can get a prescription renewed, & left the office with that new prescription in hand AND an unexpected “dark passenger?” (My husband & I were Dexter fans & I don’t think Dexter would mind too much if I use his “dark passenger” reference because that’s what I’m about to describe.)

A friend recently told me she was feeling a bit under the weather. She said she’d gone to her doctor the week before & picked up a “bug” while she was there.

I’m guessing we ALL know just what that’s like. You go for your routine appointment for whatever simple reason, open the door, step into the waiting room & suddenly & unexpectedly you’re in a TB Ward. It’s even worse during flu season.

When you land inside & the automatic door closes behind you, 144 sets of rheumy, bloodshot eyes turn in your direction &, amid sniffling, runny noses & gripping, productive coughs, people obviously struggling with the heartbreak of recurring, infected sinuses look in your direction. They grudgingly welcome you into their “Contagious Zone” & you enter at your own risk.

Suddenly, getting that work related physical or that renewal on your blood pressure medicine takes on a lot less significance. You start thinking that risking a stroke without your blood pressure medication renewal would be a small price to pay in light of entering that waiting room & exposing yourself to, well, God knows what.

My heart goes out to my friend as she deals with the “dark passenger” she picked up last week at her doctor’s office.

Several years ago I was working around the house in jeans & a sweat shirt & not wearing a bra. Comfort is one of the luxuries of having time at home alone.  When the mail came it included a check I’d been waiting for so I endorsed the check, filled out a deposit slip, grabbed my purse & went to the bank. When I got to the Drive-Through I told the window teller that I knew a woman had invented the Drive-Through. She asked me why & I told her, “So women who need to make a quick deposit can come & make it without having to put on a bra.” She laughed (& laughed) & said she understood exactly.

So remembering that exchange with the teller, I started thinking how convenient … & positive for our continued good health … a physician’s office Drive-Through would be. You’d simply make an appointment like you usually do & tell the phone person what your problem was. She’d give you a time & a number. When you got there you’d find a parking place in the lot because doctors are notoriously “running behind.” When your turn came, you’d be paged in the parking lot through a loud speaker & you’d drive to the Drive-Through window to which you’d been assigned … NEVER needing to enter that “Twilight Germ Zone” of a waiting room.

I realize that while this would be an excellent way to avoid the spread of unwanted “dark passengers,” it would also present a few new problems. For instance, the Drive-Through window would need to be fairly large, you’d need to be able to get closer to the building & those wind-sucking tubes that so efficiently carry your deposits into the bank would be obsolete. It would be virtually impossible to fit an ailing body part into one of those. The alternative, I think, would be to drive very close to the enlarged Drive-Through window so your physician could examine that part of you that ails you while most of you is still in your car. AND you wouldn’t have to wear a bra.

Probably this would be less efficient in a general practice office than it would be at the office of a specialist.

A general practice office would need to have multiple drive-up window sizes simply because a General Practioner takes a look at … & attempts to treat … just about everything & every  body part.  Even with that little draw-back, I believe it could still work.

But do consider the efficiency of the Drive-Through at offices of specialists. It boggles the mind. At an orthopedist office you’d just drive up to the window & stick your arm … or leg into the window. You could get an immediate x-ray & follow-up treatment while sipping your coffee & listening to your favorite song on Sirius in the comfort of your car. It would be a MIRACLE!!! If it became necessary for you to wait, you could just recline your seat, maintain your comfort & STILL avoid that “dark passenger.”

The same would work for an ENT office where you would just drive up to the window, open your mouth & have a tonsil exam.

I could go on at great length about how this would improve the “office experience” at offices of medical & surgical specialists for the PATIENT. And isn’t it about time it was “ALL ABOUT THE PATIENT???” Imagine how the Drive-Through would revolutionize outpatient surgery. The possibilities are endless.

And while we’re all thinking about this but not daring to say it, I will because this is my blog. It would be a real game changer for you & your proctologist.  I have a visual ………………

I’m thinking the only drawback … & it would be a huge one … is insurance companies. They would have to completely rethink their billing system & especially how to deal with the insured going to Drive-Throughs that are “out of  network,” which is what we might do while driving to our vacation destination.

While this is a fantastic, innovative & efficient way to handle physician’s office visits & would drastically reduce the number of dollars we spend out of pocket annually dealing with “dark passengers” we’ve picked up during a routine office visit, insurance companies would be totally unable to cope. And if the insurance company ain’t happy, NOBODY is happy … & they really don’t care whether we have the luxury of not wearing a bra.

crowded office 2





7 Responses to “The Drive-Through”

  1. reriggins7 June 27, 2016 at 4:51 am #

    So…before Drive-Thru Dr, how about Drive-Thru Store?


    • reriggins7 June 27, 2016 at 4:53 am #

      I posted a link to a film clip….but maybe your blog doesn’t allow that…


      • heimdalco June 27, 2016 at 4:58 am #

        There are ALL sorts of drive through things to write about. There are so many possibilities like a drive through dentist.

        Didn’t get the link. Send it to me on FB, please.

        Thanks, Rebecca


  2. Willy June 27, 2016 at 11:25 am #

    It has gone waaay past me wondering what’s going on inside my wife’s head anymore. I’m sure if she brought it up at the dinner table I’d listen intently but wouldn’t know how to add to the conversation. And even tho she would visit her drive thru doctor with no bra and be comfortable, she has no idea what it’s like to have a doctor stick her cool moist hands in my pants and say; “turn your head and cough for me”. As for her checking my prostate … yeah, I have a visual on that too.
    Thanks for a day altering thought process Linda.


    • heimdalco June 27, 2016 at 3:34 pm #

      Thanks, Willy. Now I have ANOTHER visual … LOL

      When you got home from paintball you just seemed too tired for me to ask you to read this blog entry so I’m glad you read it this morning. I hope it made you laugh while you were wondering what’s going on in my head.

      A friend who lives here but is from WV has been devastated by the flooding & storm destruction there. She told me this blog entry made her laugh & that she really needed to laugh. That made writing it worth the effort.

      I’m glad you liked it, Willy & I’ll bet you actually laughed, too, while you were reading it …, if for no other reason than you could imagine me having fun writing it. Love U.


  3. Les June 28, 2016 at 12:07 am #

    This just made my day Linda! I’m still laughing, the reference “Dark Passenger” is priceless, big fan of Dexter too! Women everywhere can relate to the bra issue..hahaha!
    Thanks for writing this and for a good laugh!! Love you..Les


    • heimdalco June 28, 2016 at 12:48 am #

      Your response to this blog post has absolutely been the BEST part of my day, Leslie. If I can make just one person laugh & relate to what I’m writing then my post has been a total success.

      THANK YOU so much for continuing to read my stuff. Nothing is more rewarding …. not even being paid for what I write. THIS … responses like yours … is what it’s all about for me.

      Love you back


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